The last day of 2009.

If you only knew, how I feel when I open my eyes every morning.

It's so pain.... really so pain... cant describe how pain it is.

When you are still in Australia, you have your own life, I busy with my own life. The number of times when I think of you is not as many as now. Maybe I dont even realize that time when you come across my mind. But now, everything that I do... everywhere I go... I can see you, and it really drive me so crazy.

I rather lie to myself that you are still in Australia. You will be in Australia for a year.

After a year, everything will be ok. Everything will be back like normal.

You will still love me. You will still be there for me. You will come back to me. At least, I feel better when I think that way.

I still remember what I wrote in my previous blog, I said.. you do not need to be the one to be understanding. Cos I will be the one to be understanding. I just need you to be here for me. Dont go away. Cos I really need you.

But now, you choose to leave, and what am I suppose to do?

I meet so many old frens in a day. I get myself schedule so full cos I am so afraid to be alone. When I am alone, I will think of you... and it's really suffer. I dont want to end up myself being like a robot, giving a fake smile to everyone.. saying that I am ok... dont worry where I am totally not ok at all. Sighhhh

But I really learn one thing last night, I really agree that myself insecure has tie you up and limit you to know more friends and I feel so sorry for it. If I have know it earlier. I wont do things like this. But why are you being so cruel ? Telling me everything at last... didnt even give me a chance to change... and you want to end it.

Well.. well .. well.... just take a year... a year to be stronger ... a year to learn from the mistake.. and after a year... we will be even better. And I hope, you wont repeat this again... keep things inside your heart... and says everything it's over.

I wont erase the picture from our phone, I wont erase the memories that you gave me. I will keep the sweet memories of you and I will learn to throw away the bad memories. I hope... you will be the same too.

I just hope... you will miss me like how I miss you too... cos... I really miss you so much.

Happy new year to you and hope you will stay happy. I will be a good girl like I promise.